Important fact: Star Wars, The Last Jedi came out this month
Months had passed since the initial injury... months since I played softball..months since I'd been able to feel free. All the appointments, the meetings with professors to adapt to school difficulties, meetings with trainers who didn't tell you good news, these all take a toll on you. So, when I heard that I would be able to have my cast off for the three weeks of winter break.. I was ECSTATIC.
Dr. Wongworawot wanted to check in on the progress of the restabilization of the wrist bones. He was also growing more concerned about my complaints of feeling forearm pain. Since my incident with the ocean.... I hadn't seen my wrist or the palm of my hand. Once, the cast came off the same tests were done to check on the rotation and overall stability... it still hurt like hell. He helped slip my hand into my brace. "Okay, I think it will be good for you to move your forearm around and slowly straighten out your elbow. Don't do anything strenuous with your hand. Take it easy and have a good Christmas"
This was the second time I was flying with a cast/ brace on and I'll let you in on a little secret. Flying with either is not fun. Going through security and loading bags into overhead bins with all the eyes on you. I hated asking for any help, I wanted to still feel capable, so I swung my bag off my left shoulder and used the momentum to chuck it into the bin. Despite the loud noise, it was always a success (as long as I packed light lol). Ever since I was little I love to fly. I'm not sure what it is, but being on a plane has always been a calming and happy experience. But now, as the pressure in the cabin increased, so did the swelling. Slowly, I started to feel the steady throbbing of my heartbeat in my wrist then, eventually my fingers. "It's only a 45-minute flight... I can do this"
I arrived at SJO and finally headed home. The first week home without a cast was great. Being able to feel the soft fur of my puppies with my right hand was magical healing. But the best part was the non-communal showers! Yup, while I was at school living in the dorms, I had to figure out a whole system on how the heck to shower without getting my cast wet. So just imagine a little freshman with a bathrobe and like 3 trash bags wrapped around my arm with rubber bands, hot stuff.. right? But, now that I only had my brace on, I was finally able to slip it off and feel the warm water run over my arm. After being stuck in a cast for a while, my arm was itchy and hairy, so being able to actually wash it sounded great, and great they were. That is until January 3.
I remember it being a normal night. Christmas had passed, star wars binged (our family tradition near the holidays + new movies were coming out)and the reality of having to go back to school was starting to set in. Even though I missed Redlands, it was nice not having to push myself through the pain of course assignments. I turned on the showerhead and let the water warm up. I hopped in and started my shower routine. Reaching with my left hand, I grabbed the pump for my shampoo bottle. Using the palm of my right hand I applied minimal pressure to get the gel out. Now, for the hard part... detangling my hair. Since I have curly hair, the best way to do this is by using a special comb while it's wet. So, like I have all my life, I instinctually swept my hair off my right shoulder to begin parting it into sections. SNAP... my vision went blurry and red, all sounds seemed to buzz...I quickly grabbed my wrist and started screaming crying. My mom ran into the bathroom and found me sitting on the floor wrapped in a towel still dripping wet. I couldn't speak. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I finally mustered up the words "something's not right" after the panic attack had ceased. My dad took photos for reference and off we went at 9 pm, ER trip 3...
This visit was different. I had been in pain before while in a waiting room, but not like this. The never-ending sharp stabbing throb kept me in shock. I barely spoke while going through registration. Two hours passed and the sharp pain turned into a burning sensation that trickled down to my fingers... all I could think was something didn't feel right. Finally, a nurse walking by saw me cuddled up to my dad with my jacket wrapped only around my hand. "Hi, how is your pain. Have you been updated about your wait time?" I shook my head and my dad slowly unwrapped the sweater, unveiling my now purple and swollen hand. "Oh dear come with me".
The nurse quickly put me in a wheelchair and rolled me into a room where the orthopedic surgeon was standing. More X-rays, more movement, more waiting, and more pain. Finally, the dr steps back into the room with the imaging and places his hand on his shoulder, "wow, what did you do? Fight a bear?" As I explained my injury and what previous Drs had said, he motioned for the nurse to come in. She walked in with a needle filled with a clear liquid. The dr continues, "We are going to give you morphine because after looking at these Xrays, I know you got to be in tremendous pain" The nurse slides on gloves and asks "right cheek or left cheek, we have to inject into an area with lots of muscle and fat" Without a care in the world stuck out my right cheek and said, "poke me".
They placed me in "the cloud". It was the super comfy white chair that they put patients in to check on them after administering strong narcotics. The Dr continued to explain the images. "Well, I don't know why you were let out of your cast. You need surgery." My heart sank... surgery?! It was just a sprain..."The radial and ulnar bones dissociated from one another. During the X-ray you could see unnatural positioning of the bones. The snap you felt may have been the ligament that attaches the two together across the two bones. I made an appointment for you to get an MRI on Tuesday". Once again, I got fitted for a fiberglass cast.... what the hell.
15 minutes passed after hearing the words surgery... Suddenly, I began to sink deeper and deeper, into "the cloud". It was like I had just woken up. Was I really wiping away tears while watching Spongebob? Then I remembered, the morphine! It hit. The nurses were right. This shit was real. No wonder they needed to ground patients to "the cloud". I felt unstoppable. As if in those hours of having the medication pulsing through my veins, anything was possible, even happiness after hearing the devastating news. When the nurses heard my giggling coincide with Spongebob they knew it was discharge time.
Now, remember prior to this I had been on some painkillers, but, this did not compare whatsoever. I was in another dimension. I was put in another wheelchair and rolled out of the building. I was expected to walk to the car, easy enough right? Nope. With the disorienting floaty feeling of the meds, I became paranoid. My poor dad, at 2 am, in the middle of the parking lot, called me like a new owner trying to convince a puppy to follow him. No motivation? No movement. Oddly, I remember this as if it happened yesterday. This is how the next part went down:
Dad: Come on druggy follow me to the car.
Me: meh
Dad: Aren't you tired?
Nurse: Go on honey, you are going to want to crash in bed soon, I promise.
Me to nurse & dad: I'm not supposed to follow strangers....*giggling*
Dad: .... *confused look on his face* *brief pause* Okay, remember Star Wars? The new movie we just watched?
Me: *shakes head*
Dad: Okay, I'm Chewbacca and your the porg. Now, follow me like they follow him everywhere.
Me: *starts to literally waddle like porg* then stops
Nurse: giggles
Dad: *doesn't hear my steps and turns around" What's wrong?
Me: Well, Chewbacca makes a noise for the porgs to follow
Dad: *rolls eyes and scratches head" Ugh... okay CHEWBACCA NOISEEEEE
Me: *quickly resumes & accelerates waddle*
The rest is a blur...
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