finally, I was back... kinda, sorta, almost
Nobody tells you before you start, but surgery is the easy part. Getting through months of physical therapy, on the other hand, is very very difficult. I was going at least twice a week to see my occupational therapist. Between scheduling around practice, classes, workouts and now neverending soreness, therapy was a pain in the ass, but a necessary one. Not only did she help me with regaining fine motor skills in my hand, but she also did deep tissue massages to try and give me some extra time using my hand for school. Writing and typing became the two things that became nearly impossible to withstand for more than 30 minutes... These weekly visits gave me sanity. Seeing the way I was progressing through physical therapy since my surgery was my only source of hope. And thankfully I was progressing a lot faster than anyone thought.. in fact, my surgeon told me I healed the quickest compared to previous patients who had my surgery.
Every physical therapist will assign different stretches, exercises, and workout programs depending on your progress and their knowledge of your issues. So, the weeks right after my surgery I was using clothespins as a way to strengthen up my hand. Then, it moved to manipulating putty for finger flexibility and range of motion. Finally, came the exciting stuff, band, and weight work. Moving past the different resistance strengths of bands only means one thing, you are getting stronger. So, when the blue band (the hardest one), came easy, I knew that being able to use weights meant I was one step closer to being able to throw.
During my months of recovery, I was slowly able to actually participate in more team-related practices. However, just like with every injury, it is vital to not over do it. Everything takes time to heal. So while I was able to do crunches and jog a little bit, I was still limited. Limited not only by medication that made me feel uncoordinated but by pain caused by inflammation build up around my wrist. But this didn't stop me from giving it my all, even if my coach didn't see my efforts. To her, it was always oh well if you can do a part of this why not do x , y and z. No matter how many times I tried to explain the stress I was under both mentally or physically, I was the one who made excuses. Practice became a hostile place, no longer a place of familiarity and love. I feared that my love for softball wasn't shining enough...
Finally, after weeks of focusing on light weights for shoulder strength, I was cleared to start my throwing program. Granted, I could only throw a certain amount of feet, and a certain amount of throws, but it was the first time in a long time that going to practice didn't feel like a tease. I don't think I stopped smiling once that afternoon. I threw the ball to a teammate and we giggled. She said "Wow, I remember throwing with you during the recruitment camp.. that was the last time...this is crazy. So happy for you dude." My inner light was reignited. In the weeks that followed I raved about the soreness, I felt in my shoulder, the good kind of sore, the one where your body tells you " Look what I can do!" But it also reminded me of everything I still couldn't do. The more I pushed my arm for softball, dyfi and PT, the more the soreness trickled down into my hand. I had to face the truth.. some things were causing more harm than good. So, I went home and made a list:
Things I need to use my hand for : Things I want to use my hand for:
- softball, throwing -softball, throwing
-writing, typing -future
-everyday activities -exams, notes
I realized very quickly that I needed and wanted to use my hand for too many important things. Everything needed my hand... but only a few things could be a top priority. I went to my mentor and asked for advice about time management in college in general, but also advice on how to manage time and pain. I felt tapped out... Her advice? To not use my hand as much for school so that I could keep fighting for my passion, to play D3 softball. So, I spent time training my left hand. I changed my mantra from "I can't do this anymore.." to "look what my left hand can do!"
Here's a proud list of the things I taught myself :
1. type with left hand only (feel the burn & lack of patience lol)
2. speech to text typing
3. write lefty and legible
4. carry books and open a doorknob
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